Not strong enough –

I'm not strong enough. 

We come across each other's path once a year, and I wonder if you're worth the sin I cause my flesh, body, and soul. Is loving you worth the battle I lose every day? Is missing you worth the pain that I don't let out because I'm afraid someone will notice it's about you? Are you worth the war my heart fights–the war between sinful and righteous? Will your kisses heal the offense we commit against their God? 

I wish I knew how to quit you.

I wish you were different; I wish–I wish there was an alternative to you. I wish I didn't have to hide our love out of fear. I wish I was more willing to pursue us such as you are. But the thought of the consequences of our love scares me deeply, more deeply than I will give consideration. And for that–I am sick.

But regret remains in my heart every single fucking time I think of you, what could've been–what should've been. What would've been of us? Yet my heart revives when we meet, when we hug, when we touch. Still, it dies as you drive away in your beat-up truck and I force myself to buy fish, no souls tied by our sprawl. Our lies kept me alive, and for that, I am grateful to you.

    

                                                                                                          - Anjel’s Midnight Literature